It is weird to think that there is something growing inside of me. Pregnancy has also inspired some strange behaviours. All of a sudden, I am obsessed with reading the ingredient list in everything – I am trying to make wise choices. [Mr. Cranky: There are, in fact, no fewer than three different “low sugar” granolas on Ocado, ALL now featured proudly in the cupboard]. My body is a temple I keep telling myself, and try to keep temptation out of reach. Before becoming pregnant I was normally very good with what I ate. Now, come the evening, out of nowhere I get these sudden sugar urge which needs to be satisfied immediately. This week I was naughty, so very naughty, that even if I did keep a food diary like I have been told I should do, I would have lied. This week I made a pact that I will limit myself to ONE treat per day. Oh dear, I fear this might lead to some cranky episodes.
Apparently it is a myth that you need to eat for two – however I am ravenously eating for TWO. [Mr. Cranky: At least]. Because even when I am not hungry, I am nauseous and the only thing that seems to help is carbs. I’m sure I still might be over doing it because, this week, after eating three bowls of pasta I became super cranky when Mr. Cranky wouldn’t let me eat a fourth portion.
Ok, what you don’t know is that in the interest of avoiding cranks caused by a total lack of self control, I have begged Mr. Cranky to do exactly this. HOWEVER, even when he does stick to our pact and takes the spoon away from my mouth or removes a plate with food still on it, I react. At first I glare. I then become a total wild animal and I transform into the full crank monster. I refused to speak with him. Mr. Cranky reminds me why he is doing it but, in that moment, he is enemy number one. Once I take a few deep breaths and regain composure I always do feel better. But this time it was too late for Mr. Cranky – he seemed like a wounded animal! I had to spend a good while trying to make up for my crazy. [Mr. Cranky: Ask me about bra-gate one day. “My bras don’t fit….WAAAAAAAAAAAA!” So harrowing, I shudder to think of it.]
Writing all of the above makes me realise how I’ve lost some (most) of my former self. I need to try and regain at least some of my identity back because otherwise this cranky craziness might become my new normal. [Mr. Cranky: I would be fine if you lost the ability to melt my nose hairs in the night; it’s also ok if you kept the need for bigger bras!]
This week I also bought the most ridiculously expensive pregnancy pillow because I just cannot get comfortable with all this bloat and gas. I thought it would help. After trying it for all of one night I proceeded to pack it away – it felt like there were three in the bed! It took up the same amount of space as a human and in our bed there is simply not enough room for Mr Cranky, a puppy (I know she shouldn’t be on our bed) and myself. [Mr. Cranky: just wait until little babka comes along…]. Something had to go and in this moment of time I decided it can’t be Mr. Cranky – so the pillow went. I have a feeling that in time, the pillow will be back and Mr. Cranky will be, elsewhere.
I had to ask Miss Cranky which dates week 10 were and then consult the calendar as this week just simply didn’t stick in my memory. [Miss. Cranky: we are a few weeks behind in posting as firstly, Mr Cranky was slow on editing! Secondly, I wasn’t sure any one would actually read these blogs and thirdly I was waiting for our first scan before posting.] As much as some of us may want to resist, the behaviours exhibited above have indeed become a “new normal” (the most overused phrase of 2020). We simply seem to have found a good rhythm, recognising our new limitations and roles while maintaining good communication throughout! Most importantly, given it was the holidays, I ensured that the case of wine arrived on time! [Miss. Cranky: Being unable to enjoy this case of wine was the first time it dawned on me that I have 7 more months of being tee-total and this made me cranky. I enjoyed seeing Mr. Cranky hungover though!!!] Maybe this is why week 10 is a blur….