There are many moments during pregnancy when the tears and fears get to be too much and you are almost bed ridden with anxiety. This week was one of those weeks. I woke up with a tiny pain which got progressively worse with every movement. It got to the point where Mr. Cranky had to actually pick me up off of the bathroom floor. [Mr. C: this was truly frightening].
Immediately the panic set in that something horrendous had happened. I called the hospital to explain my symptoms and was at first told not to worry. Minutes later, they called me back, having apparently changed their minds and instructed me to come straight in to have a scan. Oh my, did my mind go into overdrive. It felt like I was in the car forever and through the pain I kept trying to tell myself that everything would be ok.
I was seen at once and after lots of prodding, probing and scanning it was with huge relief to be told everything looked well with Babka. I let out a tear or two as this deep-rooted fear had made me think the worst. When hearing the good news I realised how incredible our minds are in that they can either help us or make things worse, with the same exact reality. The pain was still there, but having been told that it was nothing to cause alarm, it no longer felt too bad.
I was discharged and told to come back if the pain got worse. I was elated but also shaken how at a moment’s notice everything could change. All I want from this pregnancy is for it to be a healthy one. As long as this is the case I do not care how cranky it gets – in actual fact “bring it on”! Please just no more of these panic-stricken episodes….until the labour that is. [Mr. C: I think Miss C should hold her head up high – she handled this fright with incredible aplomb and I hope this bodes well for a nice and calm birthing experience. What am I saying…not a chance in hell! Really though, if I had scar tissue being torn inside of me I would probably also need help up off the floor.]
What the above situation also made me realise is, how the hell am I going to get through labour if this kind of pain ended up putting me in hospital?! And the nurse made it very clear labour would be triple the pain I had just now. What joy!!! I have a strong suspicion that I will be going into a labour declaring hysterically “I don’t want to do this.” I anticipate it being a bit like a rollercoaster, which I hate by the way. I always end up screaming “why did I agree to this?!,” holding my breath and at the end of the ride promise myself “never again”. I hate to admit it but I have a bit of sympathy for Mr. Cranky and what he needs to face once labour arrives. I have no doubt that some of you readers out there are getting a clear picture of what he has to put up with!
Speaking of Mr. Cranky, he has been supportive beyond words and simply fabulous throughout this week. I know how lucky I am and each day I feel grateful that he is my future husband. I know he will be the most phenomenal father. The rest of the week is a bit of a blur because I had to take it super easy since I was still not feeling great. In all honesty, I was in so much pain that I was unable to be my normal crank monster self – I slightly missed her. [Mr. C: though concerned, I did NOT miss her].
By the end of the week was I feeling much better. I hope I never take my health for granted. I was even finding humour again by the weekend. Just when I thought I had made it one whole week without being a nightmare, Mr. C looked at me and said “why are you cranky”? HMMMMM I was not cranky, I was actually in a fabulous mood and feeling good. However, as you can imagine after hearing those words I became cranky. It is like when someone tells you to calm down. Never ever tell anyone to calm down!!!! Never ever call me cranky – just saying.
Since a bad mood took place subsequent to my comment, does that make me retrospectively correct? In the end, she did at least calm down. Genuine plea to all people out there: it is extremely helpful when the look on your faces match the feelings you have inside, just saying.
This week I think we both learned a bit about how scary it can be when something may be going wrong. I think we handled it well, especially Miss Cranky who was in such excruciating pain. Knowing myself I would have dwelled on it and NOT been able to find humour by the weekend. Seeing her resiliency gave me the confidence to also stay strong and think that our partnership has what it takes for the next challenges ahead.