Week 9 – Welcome Home Honey

by Miss Cranky
Welcome home Mr Cranky
Miss. Cranky:

I had decided that during week 9 there would be NO cranky episodes. Mr. Cranky was coming home and I would show him I had a hold over those cranky pants he left me wearing. How long do you think I lasted? I arrived at the airport to surprise him, puppy in tow. [Mr. Cranky: I must say, this was one of the most romantic things anyone had ever done for me. She told me I had a minicab waiting for me and texted me her own phone number! I was indeed surprised.] I had washed and blow-dried my hair, something I had not done since the beginning of my pregnancy. I was feeling so proud and my locks were flowing and shiny (which Mr. Cranky did not notice at all). I was exuding my glamorous former self and there was no crank in sight. It was glorious! It was that ecstatic, magical feeling that I would want to be following me around forever. Mr. Cranky was of course happy to see me, but he was also exceptionally happy to see our puppy. The puppy got more kisses and love than me but then again, I wasn’t licking Mr. Cranky’s face.

We started to drive home, catching up on the days we had been apart and love was in the car. But THEN, I took a wrong turn heading home and it was like the worst thing that had ever happened. The monster reared up to its full height out of nowhere. Mr. Cranky seemed too scared to say anything. He did, however offer me a snack that he had hidden away for emergencies and tried to feed it to me while I was driving. “Don’t get hangry, please eat this, please,” he begged me. His pleading eyes cajoled me into having a bite of the nut bar but still, the monster was there. We drove in silence the rest of the way. This was not really the way I had imagined this romantic reunion to be. In the end, the monster was not put back into its grouchy lair until an hour after I had feasted on the entire contents of our fridge. I smiled sweetly at Mr. Cranky as the calm returned. With food all over my mouth I could just look at him and say “welcome home honey.” He stared back, open-mouthed, with a “oh -my-goodness-who-am-I-going-to-marry” look on his face.

The crank-pants stayed off until my first hospital appointment. It was a very early appointment and I had to wake up even earlier to make sure that I had time to eat so no hanger could appear. Just three wrong turns and I was at my appointment. Maybe my pregnancy and driving are not going to mix well. All smiles, I waltz into the hospital repeating to myself, “I got this.” ….HMMMMMM oh no I don’t! The fear and the reality of it all start to creep in. I wouldn’t say I had the cranks but oh WOW did my emotions take over. And after my appointment I cried hysterically in my car in between taking bites of a pre-prepared bagel. After the tears stopped I felt so much better.

So I got through week 9 with only two cranky episodes and I am counting down the days to when everybody will tell me that I glow and I have energy again. The second trimester is looming and I can’t wait.

Oh wait. I also had to do my taxes. Let me tell you – on top of being pregnant, having little sleep, feeling twice the size I normally am, taxes are the easiest way to crank yourself up. I mean, I was 100% cranky. Taxes and pregnancy do not go together full stop. Ok, so maybe I had only three cranky episodes in week 9 come to think of it. “During week 10 I will have no cranky episodes,” I say to myself as my nose starts growing.

Mr. Cranky:

I was away for most of week 9 and quite fortunately did not get to experience two of the three episodes highlighted above. I imagine that this will have been the last break I have for about 18 years. I am pleased at my improving ability to plan for and manage the mood swings and think I’ll manage to become the supportive husband my mother trained me to be. [Miss. Cranky a shout out to my future-mother-in-law thank you very much] I also would like to point out that the puppy is EXTREMELY cute and NEVER gets cranky.